single parenting with Amber Jones

Do you ever hear this from your teenager?  I know I do. 

Actually I have to admit that I have it pretty easy with my daughter.  She is a really good kid — she knows the limits and typically sticks within those boundaries.  Her friends seem to be really good as well and I know how much that helps.  I was really lucky with the dating topic because none of her friends could date until they turned 16 so she didn’t even ask as she automatically assumed that the same rule applied to her as wellJ

The one issue that we typically differ on is her money from her part time job.  She has been working at McDonald’s for almost two years now and from the beginning I told her that she needed to put 50% of her check into a savings account and she could spend the other 50% on anything she would like.  None of her other friends have to put any of their money into savings …. and consequently they spend their entire check on clothes, make up, music, etc. 

When I was her age I had a part time job and spent my entire check on clothes.  Once I went to college I realized pretty quickly what a huge mistake that was….unfortunately it was too late.  Therefore, I ended up having to work almost full time while going to school full time just to make ends meat without ending up with so much debt I couldn’t live once I graduated.  Having gone through that myself, I wanted to prevent my daughter from making the same mistake. 

The other argument one could make however (which believe me I have heard more times than I would like) is that the money is hers and she should be able to decide whether she wants to spend it or save it…..but the choice should be hers. 

As I have stated previously, parenthood doesn’t come with a manual and I certainly do not have all of the answers.  So, what do you think — am I doing the right thing by making her save 50% of her check?  Or since the money is hers, should I allow her the responsibility to decide for herself if she should spend the money or save it? 

Last night a girlfriend of mine called me completely horrified because she had found a condom in her 15-year-old daughter’s drawer. She was putting away the laundry and there it was. At first she thought it was just a joke as her daughters play jokes on her all of the time. But when she asked her daughter about it she said, “Yeah, it’s mine. Zack and I are having sex.” Just matter of fact – like it was not a big deal?!?

She immediately had a break down. In talking with her husband, they decided that they needed to find out what else their daughter had been up to since they obviously didn’t think they knew everything about her any longer. So, they started by looking at her text messages on her cell phone. Turns out, her boyfriend had been sneaking in during the night and they were having sex in her daughter’s room which is directly below theirs – ugh! Talk about a slap in the face!!

My girlfriend is beside herself. She and her husband do not know what to do at this point. When she called I told her that the first thing she needed to do, aside from talking to her daughter about the risks associated with having sex, was make an appointment for her daughter to make sure she isn’t pregnant and doesn’t have any STD’s including HIV. But, unfortunately you are not going to be able to watch her 24/7 so she should think about getting her on birth control as well.

I hope I gave her the right advice…………I wish parenthood came with a manual!!!

Teenagers are a tough group - but teenage girls can be brutal.  I think that is one of the hardest things a mother has to do is let her daughter go through those awful middle school and highschool years. 

Girls can be best friends one day and then the next day they hate each other.  Unlike boys, however, where they decide they aren’t going to be friends and just don’t talk or hang out; girls have to call each other names and humilate each other in front of the other kids in the class. 

I remember being on both sides of that situation when I was a kid.  I have attempted to stress to my daughter how devastating that can be to the other girl so that (hopefully) she doesn’t ever do that to another little girl.  However, I cannot control how the other kids act.  Ugh — I’m not sure if it is more painful for her or me??

The day after Christmas is considered to basically be black Friday revisited and just like everyone else, you could have found me at the mall.   However, I was completely unprepared for what happened while I was there.  Looking around for a new bra at Victoria’s Secret, I turned the corner and was shocked to see my 13-year-old niece with her other middle school friends shopping for lingerie! If I would have been thinking clearly I would have kept to myself and waited to see if they actually purchased anything.  But, I couldn’t help myself and blurted something out right away.  After some nervous giggles and a poor excuse to say that they were “just looking” they quickly left the scene. 

Now, having grown up in a small rural town I have to confess that we didn’t have a Victoria’s Secret in our area to go to.  So, would I have shopped there when I was that age I don’t know……..but I do know that my niece is even more boy crazy than I was which leads me to wonder….is she just being curious?  Is she planning for an event that I should be worried about?  Is she shopping for something new to show her boyfriend?  Or is it just completely innocent girls in the mall pretending to be older than what they are?

So tell me, what would you do?  Would you tell your brother that you saw his daughter shopping in Victoria’s Secret?  Do you have a daughter this age?  If so, is she currently sexually active?  Are her friends? 

Amber