single parenting with Amber Jones

Let me start by saying there is no one who enjoys meeting a man, falling in love, and everything that goes along with that more than me.  However, once you have kids and you are attempting to find a mate it changes the whole ballgame. 

First and foremost you are now looking for not only a mate but also someone who you think will be a positive influence on your kids.  Having said this, you can still find someone for simply a “good time” but frankly, I don’t have time to waste on someone that I’m really not interested in.  I wish I had more time for myself but with very limited time for socializing with adults I feel as though I need to make that time as productive as possible.  So then I think — maybe that is my issue?  Maybe I should just go back to looking to just have a good time and that magical someone will simply “fall in my lap”. 

Any advice on the topic would be welcome………

Did you see this movie?  OMG — I loved it!!!  If I didn’t have that exact thing happen to me I had a girlfriend who did so I could relate to each and every one of the different story lines.  I couldn’t help but thinking about one of my friends who is in the same situation as Jennifer Aniston’s character — and given the fact that at the end he finally ends up popping the question I thought……..oh no, now she is going to continue to think that there is hope–ugh!!  I wanted to call her immediately and say — she was the EXCEPTION!!

Seriously, though, I wish I would have had a guy friend who I could have called to tell me to “run” or to “move on”  like Gigi did — it would have made life so much easier and less painful.  But, I probably also would have missed out on a lot of very fun eveningsJ

So, for those of you who haven’t seen the movie yet — you have to go!  I would recommend going with a group of girlfriends so that you can point to each other and laugh when things look and sound a little “too familiar”.  Until then I’ll be looking for someone who is totally “into me”.

 I just found out that a girlfriend of mine just got separated from her husband.  From what I know now it seems like she made the right choice for both of them.  Having been through my own difficult relationships in the past it shouldn’t still surprise me how many people have a tough time making it work….but it does.  And really why wouldn’t it?  So many people do such a good job pretending to the outside world that everything is “great” at home; when in fact, they are just like the rest of us, just trying to get through the day….the week…the year.

Which brings me to the question; if everyone was honest and up front with the issues they were having at home, do you think more people would try to work it out?  For some reason I believe that because we all pretend our relationships are without problems everyone believes there is something better to be had.  That their relationship somehow wasn’t meant to be…..that they should leave to go find their “soul mate”. 

My first marriage was destined to end in divorce but we were both young and didn’t know any better.  With my second daughters father I believe that we both had expectations of the other that couldn’t possibly be met with reality.  Had we both lowered our expectations to a reasonable level I think we would have had a chance of making it…..hind site is a wonderful gift.   

So last weekend I went to my girlfriend’s wedding and two notable things happened to make my evening. First, let just say OPEN BAR – and not just for the reception mind you – the entire night! Given the fact that my kids were not along and I was staying in the hotel where the reception/dance was being held – SCORE!!

So my girlfriends and I get to our table at the reception and everyone is introducing themselves, saying where they are from and their occupation, etc. We get to one of the guys and after he says the “who and where” he chuckles a little bit and says “I’m a semen salesman”. As each of us girls look at each other trying not to burst out laughing one of the guys say, “So, do you mind if I ask you how business is coming?” We couldn’t hold it in anymore – I thought I was going to spit out my beer!

Okay so now I have to tell you that my girlfriend married a rancher – being a city girl I had no idea that apparently selling animals sperm is quite a profitable little business. So, now you have a better picture of the evening – free drinks and a room filled with cowboys – what more could a single girl ask for?

Anyway, the whole night was great! I drank, ate, drank, danced, and drank some more – it was AWESOME! If you haven’t had a night out without your kids lately you definitely need to take one. I love my kids but a little bit of me-time can do wonders for both of you:-)

Men are wonderful and I definitely would not want a world without them but we might as well lay it out on the table - the good, the bad, and the down right ugly.  Men can be magnificent to have around.  I mean they provide companionship, make you feel secure, and are your own personal handyman all in one…..what else could a girl ask for? 

The bad thing about a male in the house is that for the most part, isn’t it really just another dependent?  Only to make matters worse this is one that you really don’t have any control over.  I mean when we talk in reality they make their own wage (if not - kick them out honey……you can hire anything you need done and I do mean anything) so they aren’t like your children because they can actually choose to leave without going to JDC.  But seriously, how many of you out there aren’t making sure they get to the doctor, the dentist, and probably to work on time?  Sounds very similar to another dependent to me.

Which brings us to the ugly………all I am going to say is think about anything that has to do with using the bathroom facilities - enough said?  If not, add in a good burp right after dinner.  I thought that might do it. 

One of my good friends said this to me about a year after she got married and I have always thought it was the absolute best, “Amber, what was I thinking?  Why didn’t we just get apartments right next to each other?  We could have our own space and just hook up!”

Anybody have a better idea?

Amber