single parenting with Amber Jones

 Sometimes I could just kick myself for being so stupid!  Have you ever felt that way?  I will be honest with the fact that I have made a lot of dumb decisions in my life regarding my career, my relationships, and my finances.  A good friend of mine said to me once, “Wouldn’t it be nice if we could hit the Easy Button just once and rewind a part of your life?” 

After we both laughed about all the different things we would have used them for we finally decided that we probably would have used them on the “big” ones, which for us each involved the relationship that created one of our children.  Since we couldn’t imagine giving them up we decided we were lucky we didn’t have an Easy Button to fall back on. 

Having said all of this, I started out my day today with complete stress and irritation after dealing with one of my ex’s.  This afternoon I ran into a guy friend of mine and we started talking about men, women and their relationships etc. when out of the blue he said, “You know, I’ve always had a lot of respect for the way you can put on a smile and get through anything that life throws your way.”  It really meant a lot to me when he said that - and it really turned my whole day around. 

But as a single parent, isn’t that what we do?  There is no Easy Button and there is no one else coming by to clean up the mess - so we pick up the pieces of our life, we put on a smile, and we move forward.  So tonight, give yourself a pat on the back for what you’ve done today - big or small - you’ve gotten through the day and actually tonight ….another year.  Even if you’ve made some stupid mistakes in the past, so what we all have, be proud of yourself and your accomplishments.

I hope you have a hottie to kiss at midnight — Happy New Year!

 Death is typically not a subject that most of us like to think about.  But I can tell you that the reality is many people die everyday from things other than a long term illness.  Although I hope you live to be 100, or at the very least have time to prepare your children and your estate, you need to plan for the worst.  This is especially true if you are the sole provider for your children. 

Should something happen to you do you really want them to have to suffer anymore than necessary? At the very best it would be that more than one person wants to care for them, but at the very worst it might be that no one steps up to the plate.  Don’t you want to have a say in what happens to your children should you not be able to be there? 

In my circumstance I have two sets of individuals listed for each of my children.  Given their vast age difference and the fact that they have two different fathers it was necessary to do so.  Having said that, I truly believe that everyone should list more than one individual as the party who would take parental responsibility for your child/children; regardless of the circumstance.  The reason why I feel so strongly is because most individuals do not review their will often enough to be sure that the person that they had listed is still able to take on that responsibility.  Therefore, the chances that both sets of individuals whom you had listed at one point in time not being at a juncture in their life where they are unable to take on your child/children is less likely to happen. 

In addition, I also created a financial executor of my children’s estate.  Therefore, the parties who would take my children in the event of my death would be provided a monthly child support rather than the entire lump sum.  Everyone has a different level of money management skill so I feel that this is the best protection for all parties involved. 

Finally, I have also placed some money in a trust for each child that they would obtain once they hit a certain age; again based upon the fact that my children are so different in age it is the best way to assure the dollars would be divided equally.

As a reminder:  I sought the advice of my attorney regarding the above to be sure that all of my unique needs were met.  I would recommend that you do as well.  Please provide me some feedback on what you have done.  Is your will set up similarly?  Do you have any of the same circumstances that I do?  If so, what are your recommendations?  I certainly don’t have all of the answers but I am willing to tell you some of the decisions, right or wrong that I have made regarding my family.

 Given the current economic condition of our country, I think it is fairly safe to say that everyone is taking a closer look at their financial status.  As a single parent, this becomes even more important.  After all, it isn’t just yourself that you are responsible for anymore. 

Therefore, over the next few weeks I would like to take each of the following items one at a time:

• Creating/Maintaining a Will
• Life Insurance
• Health/Disability Insurance
• 401K
• Roth IRA
• Emergency Fund/Savings
• Budget

I’m not a lawyer or even an accountant so please check with one or both of them to verify the choices you should make when finalizing your decisions but I will tell you what I did and why.  Please feel free to tell me if you think I’ve done the right thing or if you feel I have erred in my ways.

I’ve recently decided that rather than attempting to manage my finances on my own, I’ve hired a financial advisor.  The good news for you is that I am willing to share his in-site with you.  Do you have an advisor for your financial future?  In looking at the above items, how many do you have done?  How many have you reviewed for 2009?

Amber 

 Originally I was planning to post for you today my beauty goals for 2009; however, that was prior to me beginning the laundry.  Ugh, the joys of Sunday afternoon’s household chores.  First and foremost I have to tell you that I am a laundry FREAK.  I used to make fun of my sister-in-law for spending hours cleaning the stains out of her kids clothing -but now I can totally relate.  So I thought my tip for today would be my best tools in the laundry room. 

It all begins with the washing machine - if you do not have a front load washing machine you have no idea what you are missing.  One load can easily equal what used to be two loads in my old machine.  Not to mention the fact that your clothes come out so much cleaner and dryer…..it had to be a woman who invented this baby! 

Next it is all about the Zout.  It’s a stain cleaner that you can purchase at Target or Wal-Mart but initially it was made for nursing uniforms.  This stuff is awesome!  My daughter comes home absolutely filthy from daycare but no matter what the stain of the day - this stuff can take it out.  Also since it was made for nurses it takes off blood with absolutely no problems.  (My toddler gets nosebleeds in the winter and my teenager has irregular periods.)

Finally, I’m a huge fan of bleaching my whites.  Believe me with a front load and bleach you will have the whitest undies until you are so sick of them you decide to throw them awayJ And for the darks, especially clothes for work, there is nothing that keeps the color better then Woolite for Darks.  I love it! 

Hopefully these tips will help your next load of laundry come out a little bit cleaner and brighter.  You might be wondering why I placed this post under the category of Hot Mama — just remember your kids are a reflection of you.  Being a Hot Mama doesn’t just mean that you look good — it also means your kids do as well. 

Amber

Men are wonderful and I definitely would not want a world without them but we might as well lay it out on the table - the good, the bad, and the down right ugly.  Men can be magnificent to have around.  I mean they provide companionship, make you feel secure, and are your own personal handyman all in one…..what else could a girl ask for? 

The bad thing about a male in the house is that for the most part, isn’t it really just another dependent?  Only to make matters worse this is one that you really don’t have any control over.  I mean when we talk in reality they make their own wage (if not - kick them out honey……you can hire anything you need done and I do mean anything) so they aren’t like your children because they can actually choose to leave without going to JDC.  But seriously, how many of you out there aren’t making sure they get to the doctor, the dentist, and probably to work on time?  Sounds very similar to another dependent to me.

Which brings us to the ugly………all I am going to say is think about anything that has to do with using the bathroom facilities - enough said?  If not, add in a good burp right after dinner.  I thought that might do it. 

One of my good friends said this to me about a year after she got married and I have always thought it was the absolute best, “Amber, what was I thinking?  Why didn’t we just get apartments right next to each other?  We could have our own space and just hook up!”

Anybody have a better idea?

Amber   

The day after Christmas is considered to basically be black Friday revisited and just like everyone else, you could have found me at the mall.   However, I was completely unprepared for what happened while I was there.  Looking around for a new bra at Victoria’s Secret, I turned the corner and was shocked to see my 13-year-old niece with her other middle school friends shopping for lingerie! If I would have been thinking clearly I would have kept to myself and waited to see if they actually purchased anything.  But, I couldn’t help myself and blurted something out right away.  After some nervous giggles and a poor excuse to say that they were “just looking” they quickly left the scene. 

Now, having grown up in a small rural town I have to confess that we didn’t have a Victoria’s Secret in our area to go to.  So, would I have shopped there when I was that age I don’t know……..but I do know that my niece is even more boy crazy than I was which leads me to wonder….is she just being curious?  Is she planning for an event that I should be worried about?  Is she shopping for something new to show her boyfriend?  Or is it just completely innocent girls in the mall pretending to be older than what they are?

So tell me, what would you do?  Would you tell your brother that you saw his daughter shopping in Victoria’s Secret?  Do you have a daughter this age?  If so, is she currently sexually active?  Are her friends? 

Amber

Merry Christmas from my family to yours!  I hope all of your Christmas dreams came true.  My kids were very happy with their presents, as was I. Unfortunately I must not have been good enough this year to get all of my presents though as I was definitely missing one item — that would be the one listed as “anything that remotely resembles Brad Pitt”.  Yes, Santa definitely overlooked that one.  But all in all everyone was very blessed this year. 

My youngest, Kennedy, is completely wired up with sugar tonight and is currently battling going to bed.  We were at grandma’s house all day today so she didn’t have to eat dinner and got to have as many sugar cookies and soda as her little heart desired. 

Why is it that as soon as you become a grandmother all of the parenting nightmares you faced when the kids came home from your parents house are suddenly forgotten?  Or are they?  Maybe that is part of the joy of being a grandparent is that you can provide your children with the repeated nightmares you experienced when you were raising them.  Hmmm…..it just might be that my parents are sitting at home in their living room laughing out loud right now at what I’m going through.

With that, please let me know how your Christmas went and what you will be looking forward to in 2009.

Amber  

Welcome to my blog.  As you have probably noticed my name is Amber Jones.  To get us started I though I would provide you with a little information about myself and my family.  I am a divorced mother of two girls, Olivia (age 16) and Kennedy (age 3).  I dropped out of college to marry Olivia’s father and when that didn’t work out I worked full time to pay to finish my undergraduate and finally obtain my MBA.  Developed a long term relationship with another man and surprise — along came Kennedy! 

If the above paragraph doesn’t provide me with enough material for a blog on the joys, fears, and anxieties of raising kids, going through relationships and break-ups all while being a solo parent…..well, then I am very anxious to hear your story

Now that you know a little about me I’d like to tell you a few of the topics I’ve picked for some upcoming blogs:

Hot Mama:  This is going to be all about dieting, beauty products, fashion, etc.

Momma’s On a Budget:  This is not only about budgeting on a single income but also investments, retirement, college savings, etc.

Teen Night:  All about raising teenagers — might want to poor yourself a drink before we start in with this one.  Teens are a stressful time not only for the child but also for the parent.

Tot Mom:  Toddlers are very cute but also a lot of work and worry.

And, last but definitely not least…………

Ladies Night:  It’s time to talk about men — the current, the past, and a few fantasies might slip in as well………….after all, it is my blog

I hope the above information has peaked your interest enough to come back and read some more.  I would also like to hear from you on what topics you would be interested in discussing in the future.  So please comment below and we’ll talk soon.

Amber